This is gonna be very stream-of-consciousness, so sorry about that ahead of time.

I’m sorry for going radio silent and just up and vanishing since December.  There’s probably a lot to explain, but I’m not even sure where to start.  Basically, I’ve been having serious mental health struggles, and they got much worse in December, and it’s been difficult since.

Early December I had the worst anxiety I ever had in my life.  I was terrified I was going to die or had brain cancer or something.  It was so bad I ended up going to the emergency room -twice- in the span of a few days, just a week before an already scheduled doctor’s appointment.

Been working on trying to find a medication that’ll help, but haven’t had luck so far.  Also, anxiety/depression aside, my left eye has been having issues focusing.  It’s hard to describe, but basically, with glasses, my vision is clear, but it feels like I can’t actually focus or settle on anything with that eye.  That, mixed with bad anxiety, was why I was so worried.

Had tons of tests and things, MRI, etc.  Nothing wrong yet, so this might just be my life now.  I’m slowly getting used to it~

Also, got hit with the worst depression I’ve ever experienced and have been struggling with that for a couple months now.  Been kinda stuck in a brain fog sorta state.  So much so that it’s severely affecting my day job.  Let alone comic making.  Again, working on finding a medication that’ll help, but in the mean time that’s still a struggle.

Now that all said, this is where it’ll probably get weird to explain.  Basically, I hadn’t drawn basically anything since I finished up the batch of page updates back in like, September.  So mid December, while dealing with all this, I decided to just doodle some random stuff with zero thought.  Ended up with a nsfw piece I thought was neat, and shared it to a separate account.  Since then, I’ve been drawing a lot of just, random dumb stuff for the hidden account, and honestly that’s the only thing keeping me even vaguely sane lately, is creating art without a plan or expectations.

It’s weird, cause like, since all my nonsense in December, I feel like I’m kind of a different person?  It’s hard to explain, but my focus and priorities and stuff shifted kinda suddenly.  Probably cause depression. :/

I’m sorry for not responding to any of the comments ya’ll have left over the months.  Honestly I’ve been terrified to check them and find out how upset everyone is about the comic suddenly stopping.  And I wouldn’t blame ya, cause it seems like yet another webcomic that just stops suddenly.  And I really don’t want that.  I’ll get the nerve up to check eventually, or have the girls check first to see if any are like, mega mad first…

Anyway, thank you all for sticking with Ruan this whole time, and I really appreciate you all!  I’m sorry things got weird this year, but when I’m feeling better I want to start updating again.  Maybe not once a week, but something.


Sorry for vanishing.  Struggling with anxiety/depression/health issues.  Will come back to the comic someday.