This is gonna be very stream-of-consciousness, so sorry about that ahead of time.
I’m sorry for going radio silent and just up and vanishing since December. There’s probably a lot to explain, but I’m not even sure where to start. Basically, I’ve been having serious mental health struggles, and they got much worse in December, and it’s been difficult since.
Early December I had the worst anxiety I ever had in my life. I was terrified I was going to die or had brain cancer or something. It was so bad I ended up going to the emergency room -twice- in the span of a few days, just a week before an already scheduled doctor’s appointment.
Been working on trying to find a medication that’ll help, but haven’t had luck so far. Also, anxiety/depression aside, my left eye has been having issues focusing. It’s hard to describe, but basically, with glasses, my vision is clear, but it feels like I can’t actually focus or settle on anything with that eye. That, mixed with bad anxiety, was why I was so worried.
Had tons of tests and things, MRI, etc. Nothing wrong yet, so this might just be my life now. I’m slowly getting used to it~
Also, got hit with the worst depression I’ve ever experienced and have been struggling with that for a couple months now. Been kinda stuck in a brain fog sorta state. So much so that it’s severely affecting my day job. Let alone comic making. Again, working on finding a medication that’ll help, but in the mean time that’s still a struggle.
Now that all said, this is where it’ll probably get weird to explain. Basically, I hadn’t drawn basically anything since I finished up the batch of page updates back in like, September. So mid December, while dealing with all this, I decided to just doodle some random stuff with zero thought. Ended up with a nsfw piece I thought was neat, and shared it to a separate account. Since then, I’ve been drawing a lot of just, random dumb stuff for the hidden account, and honestly that’s the only thing keeping me even vaguely sane lately, is creating art without a plan or expectations.
It’s weird, cause like, since all my nonsense in December, I feel like I’m kind of a different person? It’s hard to explain, but my focus and priorities and stuff shifted kinda suddenly. Probably cause depression. :/
I’m sorry for not responding to any of the comments ya’ll have left over the months. Honestly I’ve been terrified to check them and find out how upset everyone is about the comic suddenly stopping. And I wouldn’t blame ya, cause it seems like yet another webcomic that just stops suddenly. And I really don’t want that. I’ll get the nerve up to check eventually, or have the girls check first to see if any are like, mega mad first…
Anyway, thank you all for sticking with Ruan this whole time, and I really appreciate you all! I’m sorry things got weird this year, but when I’m feeling better I want to start updating again. Maybe not once a week, but something.
TL:DR
Sorry for vanishing. Struggling with anxiety/depression/health issues. Will come back to the comic someday.
thanks for the update, it’s been a crazy couple of years for everyone. I love the story but I know that life gets in the way and am more than happy to wait.
stay safe
Take all the time you need – your health is important. We’ll still be here when you return.
I echo the above sentiment. I have thoroughly enjoyed this comic since page 1 and wish you the very best.
Indeed, see to your health, we can be patient (and I’ve got this on my Piperka queue so I’ll get a notice when a new page is up). The last few years have been more than enough to hit everyone hard. I’ve ended up dropping a number of things myself (I don’t think I’ve even picked up my guitar in a year now). See to yourself and return when it’s right for you to return. Anyone has a problem with that can pound sand.
Sometimes these things just come on like a switch you wish wasn’t stuck where it is. Trying to adjust and work around it is rough, takes time, but it can be done. Have faith in yourself, try your best, and ask for help when you need it. Thank you so much for at least slipping an update here. Its good to know you are there.
Health and life first. Take care!
Good luck! Hope that you find a fix, or a cure, or that this just goes away like a really bad dream.
Many hopes for recovering some stability in your life; do take your time, we will wait. It is appreciated that you have told us what has brought about the hiatus; I suspect that others beside myself had feared that the “C-plague” had intervened.
Again, do not fear, you have some loyal readers whom *do* have patience. :}
I have reached the place of not being surprised with lengthy absences in web comics. I recognize that they usually aren’t done for money, but for love of the art. You are not the first artist who has fought mental health issues, and unfortunately won’t be the last. I am appreciative of your work and all that you have shared with us. I hope you find something to help you regain your functioning, because I know it is difficult for you. I will keep checking back every moth or so, hoping for good news. But as the previous comments said, take care of your health and your self We can wait. And I will. Wishing you well.
It almost sounds like you could have some type of auto-immune disorder. They are notoriously difficult to diagnose.
But they are treatable, and can be lived with.
If your Doctors haven’t already tested you for anything like that, I would ask them to.
You come back when you think you’re ready. You gotta take care of you first.